The Problem “I Feel Stuck In Limbo! Can’t Decide What I Want To Do With My Life!”:
“I’m stuck. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’m lost and confused and I keep asking myself: Where do I go from here? The truth is, the road ahead has disappeared.”
The Road Ahead Disappears.
There is a point when the cocoon of life that has been built for you starts running thin, when the road ahead starts disappearing. Maybe the road disappears suddenly and unexpected, catching you unprepared. There is a rip and the earth beneath your feet is gone. Vital components of the life you had planned for yourself are gone and you no longer know where it is you are going. Or it may be that you can see the road disappearing long before it actually happens. You could pinpoint the exact moment in time when it would happen, long before it ever did. Not a rip but a thick fog lies up ahead. And yet still, you are not prepared. Your foreseeable road is coming to an end, and you don’t know what to do about it. You have no idea what is supposed to come next.
A Story about Nothing.
Why do we even need a purpose? Why can’t we just enjoy the moments? After all, all that life really is is a series of moments. So shouldn’t you just focus on making each of these moments good and forget about the bigger picture? Only for most of us that doesn’t work. Here’s why: Have you ever been at the receiving end of someone telling you a long and boring story? Only for you to realize midway through listening to that story, that it has no point? We hate stories that are about nothing, that have no point. We need something to tie together all the single moments into a narrative, something to give them meaning. When you’re lost for direction, your life can feel like that too, like a story with no point. There is nothing to tie the single moments together and nothing to tell you what it’s all about. That’s why we need a purpose. Purpose is what the story of your life is all about. And we don’t like stories that are about nothing.
Reluctant to Chose.
Here you are, feeling lost and confused. You don’t know what to do with your life. You’re supposed to make a decision, to choose a direction for your life. You’re supposed to figure out what your life is going to be all about. But you just don’t. Instead, you avoid the subject. Because every time you try to think about it, try to make a decision, you get more lost and more confused. Something is holding you back. A strange reluctance to make a decision. Where do you go from here? You don’t know and trying to consider your options is only making you more reluctant to choose. The reluctance to choose any road for fear of it being the wrong one. Fear of taking two steps and hitting a dead end. Fear of the unknown that lies ahead. The fear that comes with not knowing what it is you want. So you don’t choose. You push the decision off. After all, as long as it’s comfortable, why can’t you just stay where you are – for a bit longer, until you know where it is you want to go?
Just Stay Where You Are – If There is Nothing to Hide.
Why wouldn’t you be afraid of change? Reluctant to settle on one direction? Confused as to where it is you’re supposed to be going? Confusion and fear are part of the process of building a life for yourself. Perhaps, if anything, it’ll do you good to learn how to deal with both and not let them cripple you in your decision making. Even so, you might be reluctant to make a decision and instead want to stay where you are for a while longer. If that’s a reasonably comfortable option, you probably have a hard time trying to convince yourself not to. Here’s the thing though, only stay where you are now if it’s not about hiding. If the only reason you’re pushing off figuring out where to go from here, is that you’re afraid of what comes next, you are not save where you are anyway. The ground may suddenly give in, right where you are standing.
You Don’t Belong Here Anymore.
If you wait too long to make a decision, you might realize one day that you have outstayed your welcome. You thought you belonged somewhere and you just don’t anymore. Nothing has changed, except everything has. It’s not a good feeling, being uprooted. Especially being uprooted when you’re still where you’ve always been – and still don’t know where you’re going. How did it happen, or rather why did it happen? The simple answer is, you’ve been here too long. Things change, people change and if you’re the only one who’s standing still, eventually becoming uprooted is inevitable. And once you are, there is no choice but to start building your own life, to set your own destination and start off in your own direction. Being forced to set a new direction for your life is a bit like being pushed out of an airplane. It’s not a good idea to wait for freefall to start thinking about getting yourself a parachute.
An Active Protagonist.
Every good story you’ll ever read or see has an active protagonist. A protagonist who sets out to find her own road, who acts and makes things happen, not just reacts to what is happening to her. Our lives are not stories. There is no underlying plot. In real life, if you’re a passive character that only ever reacts and never acts, you’ll find that no road is placed in front of you. And no convenient plot device tells you where you need to go next. Until you start looking for your road, you won’t know where to go from here.
Where Do I Go From Here? – How to find your road.